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Beauty secret confessions:

Alright, ladies. Give it up.

Today we are all going to confess our grossest, most annoying beauty blockers and our remedies. I will go first:

1) Laser hair removal for my arms. Yeah, I said it.
My arms were furry little monsters that I used to bleach, but that was such a mess and a waste of time. So I decided to do the laser thing and so far, so good. I have my 3rd treatment today. Two more after that, and my arms will be as hair free as a male model's chest. Or something.

2) Le sweat. Yeah, I said it. I pit out, ladies. There are 3 solutions for this: surgury to snip some nerves to keep you from sweating, botox to paralyze said nerves, or a prescription for Drysol. I chose door #3 and I am telling you, it's a life changer. Why do women even freak out about getting white chalky deodorant on their sleeveless dresses etc WHEN YOU CAN JUST STOP SWEATING ALTOGETHER. It's nothing short of a miracle. The only problem is that I used to be righteous about a few things, like keeping it natural. At 31 1/2, however, Le Mer alone cannot preserve my face, so I am considering restalane to fill my between-the-brows, mean-look lines (I have spent most of my years, I guess, staring people down...) and maybe Botox to stave off deeper lines in that area.

And I am thinking of a breast reduction and a lift, too. I am really not this shallow and to write it down makes me feel like I am THIS CLOSE to being no better than those "Real Housewives of Orange County." But the truth is, I don't want to fall apart.

What about you guys? How far is too far? It's shooting botulism into my face just the dumbest thing ever? Is money ruining us, since these things wouldn't have even been options for me 5 - 7 years ago?


the House of Beauty and Culture said...

Falling apart at 31 1/2 - PLEASE! a ballsy gal like you?
As for the botox brigade - semi-beautiful, addle brained, self centred, aesthetically challenged, and generic - life's filler. Does this sound like you? No, didn't think so.
The best way to weather the storm is to upgrade the wardrobe and the accessories - a great dressmaker, custom made shoes, bags, and jewellery. Anything else is a waste of time and money.

katiedid said...

You crack me up!
OK, I'll admit to # 1, but not for any aesthetic reason, but because it saves me a ton of time! Once your done you are done forever. The rest of it doesn't last forever, and the women that have those eyebrows in the middle of thier forheads from too many lifts are just scary.

Cote de Texas said...

I detest face lifts and plastic surgery and botox and all that shit. You just look like a 50 year old who's had a facelift, in my opinion. YOu can spot them a mile away, no matter how good they are. Don't be vain! I'm sure you're beautiful enough. At 30, you have no idea what a wrinkle is! haha just wait!!!

Brilliant Asylum said...

I do my own manicures and get my hair cut at Great Clips just so I can buy La Mer on a regular basis. Nothing else comes close.

erin said...

i have incredibly dry, hyper-sensitive skin, and i have tried absolute everything under the sun, including la mer, and since the age of 17 my skin has never looked and felt better than it does now that i'm using avon. swear to fucking god.

Wessie said...

Had my upper eyelids lifted. Noticeable scar for a few months but I was working overseas so by the time I moved home no one could tell that I'd had 8mm removed from my upper lids.

Doing IPL on my face, hands and arms.

Get my eyelashes dyed. Too lazy for daily mascara.

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