1. Napkin rings and folded napkins. As cute as the little urchins are, I have to say, napkins rings just shouldn't happen. If you need to glitter up the occasion, maybe wear some killer jewelry. And folded napkins... totally go for it if you want to have your table look like a bad Catskills buffet.
2. Wine charms. Seriouly? Can people really not remember which glass belongs to whom? You know what my wine charm is? It's the lipstick stain I leave on my glass.
3. Paper napkins. I know I shouldn't even have to say it, but paper napkins when company is over is, well, not cool. Don't get me wrong, we rock paper-towels-as-napkins when we decide we want pizza for dinner and we're going to eat in front of the TV while we get caught up on episodes of The Office, but real napkins are inexpensive. Make good use of them and be a gracious hostess. And if you haven't spent 30 minutes on a Sunday ironing white cotton napkins, you really haven't lived. Seriously, you don't need that Zen-spa bullshit to relax, you need to do some monotonous homekeeping while listening to Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me.
4. These wine ring thingies. The just remind me of cock rings and they seem really uptight. It's like the OCD hostess's version of putting plastic on your couch.
5. The stupid Pottery Barn reindeers. Kill me now.
6. Asking me to take my shoes off at your house. This is my OFFICIAL announcement to all my friends that if you like your carpet or your hardwood floors more than you like me to be comfortable (and by comfortable, that means, keeping on the clothes and accessories I deemed nice enough to wear to your party) then that means you should not invite me.
The shoes-off requirement is so completely offensive. I want to ask these people when exactly did they buy their house at a Christie's auction?? Because only a house with that kind of pedigree could be so precious that it would need to be defended against my Louboutins.