Tuesday, December 18, 2007

I'm getting married.



After a record-setting engagement, I am finally ready to plan this thing.

Here are my ground rules:

1) No attendents. That's weird.

2) No giving away of people. Also weird.

3) No rehearsal dinner. Everyone has been to a wedding before everyone knows what to do. If we don't know what to do, someone will kindly whisper "say 'yes!'" and that should get us back on track.

4) No Ramadan. As I have posted before, there will be no clambake the day before, no yacht trip the day after, no croquet match to get the wedding party "acquainted." No. No. No. It's a wedding, not a weeklong celebration for a head of state. There will be one event - - called dinner. We will stand up and say our vows (hopefully with a glass of champagne in our hands as we say them... I mean, I want to get the party started right away).

5) No ipod. I believe in live music and a pounding kickdrum keeping time to a Louis Prima-like rendition of "Pennies From Heaven."

Jason Parker Quartet. Photography by William Anthony.

6) No $6,000 gown. I have better things to spend my money on. Like a new bathroom. And a vacation or two. And, um, the drinks. My people can DRINK, I tell you.

7) No dress that I can't wear again. I fully expect to rock my sassy white cocktail dress on my anniversary... mostly as a way to make me keep the weight off that I plan to lose by next August. (Cross fingers for me now.)

8) No videographers. Icky, icky, poo. I do not need to see my big ass in motion. Still photography will allow me to edit out elements like, um, double chins and thigh jiggle. Besides, I believe in one quiet photographer sneaking around and not really being noticed too much.

9) No confetti and crap falling out of the invitations. I am not a third-grader, for fuck's sake.



10) No VOSS water. The restaurant told me they will serve VOSS water. Who drinks VOSS water except ridiculous people like Britney and Lindsay while they are getting trashed at a gross club in Las Vegas. I know it sounds unreasonable, but I am banning VOSS water from the event. Honestly, we live in the NW. Have you tasted our tap water? It's great and it will do, frankly.

11) No cutesy cakes. We prefer cheesecake, anyway. But no little fondant sparrows and twigs and the whatnot. All that stuff looks like Play-Doh to me.

23 comments:

Forever Chic said...

Congrats! And major props for cutting the crap and getting to the root of what makes a wedding fun - good booze, a wild party, a happy couple.

Having a cheesecake as a wedding cake sounds like the coolest idea ever, and I am definitely going to steal it. Chocolate raspberry cheesecake for me!

EM said...

Good on ya missy!

However, i must know (after i came across someone else mentioning more affordable dresses) where that picture/dress is from --- it's beauteous!

Megs said...

I think I love you. After going to six weddings this year, including our own, I definitely have a changed view on them.

All you really need is booze, good music, and an awesome photographer. The rest takes care of itself (which you apparently already know). I hope you're wearing that white dress at the top of the post, it's freaking awesome.

decorno.blogspot.com said...

I think I found the dress on Nordstrom.com. There are so many gorgeous dresses to be had under $600. I am thinking the key is that you can't ask for it to look wedding-ish. A $600 taffeta dress is a tragedy waiting to happen, whereas A $600 bias-cut gown from Neiman's or something is actually splurge-y for what it is and looks less predictable that some Reem Acra get-up.

Mr. Useless said...

Sounds like a tragically hip event.

decorno.blogspot.com said...

Well, Mr. Useless, I am actually hoping it will be neither tragic, nor too hip. Just fun.

Anonymous said...

Don't do any bouquet throwing or garter showing or cake-smushing-in-the-other-person's-face-ing.

decorno.blogspot.com said...

Anon - YES! How could I have forgotten. I am so. no. doing. any. of. that. :)

Paloma said...

Congratulations! At the risk of sounding extremely ridiculous, you so remind me of Miranda when she was getting married to Steve and I am feeling very much like Charlotte. LOL! I'm sure your wedding will be fabulous!

Alison said...

Aye-Aye.....I second that emotion, Decorno!!!!
You are spot on......and then some.
You will pull this fete off in a way only you can.

YIKES to those WhippedCreamBridesmaidFrocks.
Another CRINGE to the groom who nibbles off the brides garter, and a big bad EWWW to the shoving cake in the face gig.......

Our June 1993 invitation read:
"This isn't the typical June bride thing......no need to get to the church on time........just show up for a party"

And a party is 'twas.
A bit Gatsbyesque - white clubhouse pavillion, loads of paned windows, dark hardwood floors, a band drifting in and out of swishy dance numbers, cocktails flowing freely.....all overlooking the Great Lake Michigan.

Cheers to YOU!!! Clink-Clink, Alison

Anonymous said...

Decorno is about the only role model worth having, I swear.

eeps. said...

you are my hero(ine).

perfect bound said...

I'm still a sucker for a thick layer of frosting. That and a very sexy pair of shoes to go with that very sexy band.

always the bridesmaid but never in brown said...

ooh, I await with baited breath posts about your wedding plans. This is my style of nuptials!

Brilliant Asylum said...

Amen. Avoid the wedding machine and do it exactly how you want. Cheers!

: ) said...

omg you are so funny

I did the bouquet thing, but not the garter or cake-smashing. My mother was distraught by my lack of tradition.

Sandy said...

We had "Mud Pie" at our wedding. The servers hated it but our guest's LOVED it. It was a fun and unexpected addtion to our WINTER (Dec. 28th) wedding, LOL. We also had hot chocolate available throughout the reception. :-)

Nicki said...

I am sooo right on board with you! I got engaged in Aug of 08, and needless to say we have not planned a damn thing yet. - Mostly due to the economy sucking big monkey nuts and because I have better things to do than pick out parchment paper for invites, like reading your blog!
I cringe when people ask, "So, have you set the date?" Mostly because it sounds like its going to be my funeral or some contrived event....Which in most cases it always is.
I want a dress that is chic and def wearable again. I am also the same girl that got a simply secy black number for my prom dress and wore the F*c out of it many times after!
The whole long drawn out ceremony is usually done for the benefit of the guests and family. Those who know us, know that all we care about is good food and better drinks. Honestly its more important to me to find a venue that will allow us to bring our 3 dogs in tow.

allison said...

I'm right there with Nicki.
And please come help plan my wedding. I need your no-nonsense attitude to get me past 'helpful' friends and family. I'm not looking forward to any of that except the reception--a 'buffet' of family favorites like homemade caramel corn, lemon bars, and fudge (not my favorite) in a family member's back yard, along with a soda machine! The perfect mix of fun and casual--a real party!

allison said...

I'm right there with Nicki.
And please come help plan my wedding. I need your no-nonsense attitude to get me past 'helpful' friends and family. I'm not looking forward to any of that except the reception--a 'buffet' of family favorites like homemade caramel corn, lemon bars, and fudge (not my favorite) in a family member's back yard, along with a soda machine! The perfect mix of fun and casual--a real party!

Anonymous said...

this has to be one of the most sensible articles of all time - pls submit to the editor at martha stewart...

Rain Girl said...

I officialy love you now :*

I am sick, lying in bed, and re-reading all your awesome posts. (yep, am a silent reader.) You made my day and made me forget about all the work that's piling up.

And I am a bloody sweetness-ejaculating person, so I love your call a spade a spade attitude. I need to grow up and become you.

Rain Girl said...

...and congratulations :)