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Official Topics of Adult Conversation

My friend and I were emailing one another when we decided we needed to compile an authoritative list of Official Topics of Adulthood.

Here it is. The funniest ones are his, just to be clear.

-Sex (who is having it, who isn't, or conspiring to hide the fact that they are having it with someone they shouldn't)
-Schools/private schools
-Other people
-Botox/cosmetic procedures (First it's always... is she having it?? I would never.. and then the slippery slope into one woman's confession, and then into "Who's your doctor?")
-How much we paid for something / best deal ever
-The Oscars
-Gaining/losing weight
-Parents and their illnesses/annoying traits
-Co-workers and how we are better than them
-Illnesses, real, imaginary, and future
-Doctor visits
-Sex, weird/awkward/ridiculous/lame encounters that make funny stories, after about 10 years have passed
-Weird things that happened to you in college
-What people would be like in bed/naked
-People that behaved in an annoying way at parties
-eBay stories
-Craigslist stories
-Email mistakes that went bad on you (accidental cc’s, etc.)
-Stuff you’ve stolen from your office
-Weird things you do in your office (one lady I work with trims her forearm hair with a big old office scissors [and no, she doesn’t have a lot of forearm hair, but still])

I seriously don't think I have had an adult conversation about anything than one of the above in the last 8 years. Have you?

What is missing from the list?


Anonymous said...

how about:

--Products you swear by

--Really great products they stopped making

Carrie said...

Extended hypothetical situations. I find people are about 50-50 on these, half think they're a total waste of time and half think they're a fascinating thought experiment. Unless it's "who would win in a fight", everyone loves those.

Diana said...

Too funny - I guess this falls in the television category, but REALITY TV. If I can't think of anything at all to talk about, somehow people know something about reality tv and admit to it being a guilty pleasure.

Decorno said...

Anon - YES. "products" - - a big miss from the initial list.

Carrie - brilliant. I used to play this weird game with my old co-worker Chris Cross (yes, that was his name) where we would ask each other "How much would I have to pay you to wear to work jean short, girly white ankle socks with ruffles, and red pumps... the rule was that this person couldn't laugh and could never fess up to any one that it was a bet for cold hard cash. We did this ALL the time... usually bad or inappropriate outfits, or snot in the nose or something foul. It was always great fun to see how cheap we were.

Chris and I usually promised to do this stuff for under $1000, but our fancier friends were in the "never" camp... which to me is like saying, "I hate money."

So YES - a big yes to the extended hypotheticals.

Anonymous said...

I think you know you're officially "an adult" when you find yourself complaining about "those darned kids!"-i.e. loud teenagers, annoying, screaming toddlers at the grocery store, etc.

JJ said...

You forgot to list The Games We Play,
- "Where I might move,"
- "What business I am going to start,"
- etc.

Decorno said...

Oh, yes indeed.... games we play is another post entirely. Not only our faves (businesses we will start, etc) but also:

"What did they pay for that?"
"Let's look up their property value online..."

JJ - what are our other games?

simply seleta said...

How about child birth stories. Have you ever been talking with another mom and you swap horror stories of child birth [or sit there in complete misery + disgust because you've never had a child]?

Maybe I'm a freak, but that is a conversation I have had with many other female breeders.

Anonymous said...

"What lube do you use?"

Anonymous said...

Another one might be "How hard it is to get pregnant." Because when you're younger you think dry humping might knock you up.

And taxes. Timely nasty little adult buggers.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, petuniaface, the fertility issue gets a lot of chat-time.

For those of us who are still single, various variations of the question of "where are all the good men/ what's wrong with the men today/ why can't straight men be as wonderful as our wonderful gay friends/ what dating service or online dating site have you used/ how many years since we last got laid."

Anonymous said...

what ever happend to old fashioned politics? international news?

ok... and on the everyday side... celebrity [breakups, makeups, weddings, death, rehab etc.]

Anonymous said...

No. 1 on your list really should be real estate! I can't go anywhere without hearing about real estate anxiety, real estate envy, real estate boasting, etc., etc., ad nauseum.

Decorno said...

Anon 6:09 - YES.

In fact, that will be the topic of today's post.

Anonymous said...

Does anyone know a good HTML code for my chatroom? preferably where it automaticly saves what everything says (logs the chat) or where you can ban certain words from being said? its for a PG site


Anonymous said...

I totally support that! Continue that way!

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