Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Don't worry Jen...


...you'll fuck this one up in no time.

How long shall we give this celebrity couple? I say 6 weeks. Just long enough for her "attentiveness" to turn into more of a chain-smoking, self-help-book reading clingy cougar death grip of desperation.

Nice 80s ponytail Jen. Keep up the good work.

61 comments:

An Aesthete's Lament said...

I think a cougar requires a bit more chronological heft, no? She's only eight years older than JM!

Anonymous said...

When I watch how Lucille Ball hardened up in the post-I Love Lucy years, for some reason, it makes me think of post-Pitt Jennifer Aniston: The toughened jawline, the abrasive, whiny voice... She's in some charisma-free zone now.

Decorno said...

"CFZ." I love. it. :)

Anonymous said...

SGM is not gonna like this one bit!!

Jennifer said...

And then how long thereafter until she goes whining to the press about how she was wronged? Because she clearly could not be the culprit of the demise of any relationship.

*vomit*

Anonymous said...

The 80's ponytail shot is from a scene she is filming so you've got to cut her some slack there. Also, I've been told that you have to be at least 40 to reach cougar status.

Anonymous said...

Just ten more months till Cougar Hour...

decorno said...

Anon, 9:01... I love ya, baby, but I need to tell you this now:

I will be cutting Jen no slack. God put her on this planet to drive me insane. It's working.

Anonymous said...

She was decent on Friends, especially playing the straight man for the far more talented Christina Applegate, but it's hard to picture any film where she would be a commanding lead.

Richie Designs said...

oh yah me and SGM are going to battle her to the death for John.

Halfmad said...

I love how people hook up once and in tabloid-ese it's "suddenly love!" She may be annoying but I refuse to believe she's *that* pathetic.

Anonymous said...

I dunno... I read a pretty damning profile and interview with her in one of the big magazines (VF? Rolling Stone?). She seemed way pathetic. She needs a new PR handler. She's not doing a good job for herself.

chromiumblue said...

This will last just long enough to pronote her next movie, the same way her thing with Vince Vaughan started during filming The Break-Up and neatly ended the week it was released on DVD.

She makes me want to hork up something.

Anonymous said...

"Hork"!!!

Best comment ever!

Cote de Texas said...

you know- actually he is going to break up with her. He's a real playboy these days - have you noticed? he's with a new girl every month. I don't get it. he doesn't appeal to me. I kind of feel sorry for Jen these days. Like her new nose?

professional psychic said...

does anyone else think she looks DIFFERENT lately?

a little plastic surgery to usher in the cougar years?

YOU DON'T NEED TO BE PSYCHIC TO KNOW A TRAINWRECK WHEN YOU SEE ONE

Anonymous said...

Joni! shouldn't you be designing something, instead of frittering away the day speculating on celebrity nose jobs?
;-)

SGM said...

Jen better watch her back. She's hooked up with two of my free-passers now and I don't appreciate it.

By the way, Perez is reporting that it's ALREADY OVER.
http://perezhilton.com/2008-05-06
-over-already-3

Come to mama, John.

Anonymous said...

uh oh, sgm is back and she is MAD!

~M said...

Her 80's pony goes with his Ralph Macchio 'do.

My take is, they're both young (no, she's not a freakin' cougar, jeez!), hot and rich. Who cares? Why not? If anything, it allows us marrieds to live vicariously...

Anonymous said...

What's a cougar please? And I thought this post was actually really harsh! JA's not my favourite person by any means, but was that really necessary!?

Anonymous said...

It was. Top scientists deemed it necessary.

Decorno said...

Yep. It was necessary.

Look... this blog is my id. I am not here to be nice. I am nice to regular people, but celebs are another matter altogether. They parade around, exploiting their fame to drum up interest in their lame projects and we're supposed to just sit there and take it? She's fairly talentless and, well, annoying. I think famous people are fair game.

birdy said...

I can't believe I'm going to repeat this sordid little piece of dirt, but Lainey (from lainey's gossip website) claims that John Mayer like to, erm, well, there's no way to put this delicately: PEE ON HIS GIRLFRIENDS.

ACK!

Anonymous said...

Well, if it's a choice of that, or having him serenade you with "Your Body Is a Wonderland"...

Anonymous said...

I don't think she's a cougar. There are not enough years between them to give her that name.

But Jennifer is a proud fag-hag. Which is why she "hooks up" with so many sexually ambiguous men. I'm quite sure that Vince Vaughn, whom I adore, is gay, and when they were "dating" they were in fact just discussing hair and fashion rather than enjoying hot and sweaty sex

I like John but he enjoys to peeing on his conquests AND he made out with Perez Hilton AND he dated Jessica Simpson. So, I wouldn't want to date him in real life (in my fantasies, however, he's totally straight and doesn't relish giving golden showers and he's got decent tasted in women). Jen and her neuroses can have him.

Anonymous said...

"Decorno: The Decor Blog That Dares to Take on Golden Showers"

Anonymous said...

Wow. You all are one tough crowd. Any of you former Florida cheerleaders? Jeez...

Anonymous said...

It's the Internet honey. Get used to it.

fashiongirl said...

As long as he doesn't write her a song. That would send me right over the edge.

Anonymous said...

She is a cougette, ripe for approaching cougarhood.

Anonymous said...

She seems fairly innocuous compared to the younger generation of celebs. I'm not a super expert but her crotch hasn't appeared on my email newsflash, nor have I seen photos of her passed out drunk, and while the latest Xtobe may be a bit light weight and a tad younger, can we say D E M I. But I agree that she's a dull actress which is probably the nastiest thing said about her on this blog. Also, I HATE the word cougar. Why does no one apply this to men? A guy dating a woman 8 years younger will not get a second look.

marlazz said...

I love you decorno, especially when you discuss decor and those previously taboo subjects. But DON'T diss my Jen Aniston. She was wronged and deserves happiness. Brangelina is (are?) the evil one(s).

Still, she could do much much better than John Mayer. Gosh, I hope she's just using him. And, no she's no cougar.... so unfair.

Anonymous said...

"my Jen Aniston"--God that is sad.

Anonymous said...

Yeah. I'm no fan of Jennifer Aniston but good heavens! What... are we living in the 50s? Why can a woman not date a slightly younger man without being subjected to ridicule and scorn?

And while Laineygossip.com mentions John's peeing habits, Ted at eonline has much, much grosser tales to tell about him.

Kwana said...

I'm with cote de texas on this one. Jen is just another notch in his wrap around belt. John is having a butt load of fun and I'm not hatin' on him for it. Luv his music and his too cute for words. Someone will tame him soone enough or break his heart.

John M. said...

are we living in the '90s? Why can a man not pee on a slightly older woman without being subjected to ridicule and scorn?

Linda Merrill said...

I don't get the JA hatred. She seems pretty bland and doesn't seem to hurt anyone. Why the hate? Seriously?

Decorno said...

Marlazz... love you, too, but you should know something about me... I am firmly in Team Jolie camp.

I mean, come on... when you are that hot, the world knows you will steal husbands. That's just what you get to do.

Poor Jen. She was simply no match for Angelina's powers. Who is?

Decorno said...

Linda - I think it's her blandness coupled with the sort of supermarket-checkout pollution. I nevere liked Friends, and even since then Jen has never done anything important, yet I am subjected to her even as she approaches, what, 55? I feel like this tiny little blog that exactly 1300 people read a day is my tiny attack back on celebrity culture.

Note to Jen: retire. You're bugging me.

It's her humorlessness and irrelevance that drive me batty. She's just a low-rent Renee Z.

Decorno said...

John M - I say: pee away. At least John does it to women of legal age.... unlike our friend R Kelly.

Pieter said...

What is up middle aged women and that effing song. Wonderland=theme park? Huh? I don't get it?
What's worst is that JA is more known for her failed relationships than her work.

Anonymous said...

I thought you had a plan Decorno. You've let any attention you've received go to your head. You are becoming the Howard Stern of design blogs. I am a daily visitor, but you have seriously made me doubt why. I'm taking a long break. Perez Hilton does it better.

Anonymous said...

OUCH! I think she's far from being a "cougar" and who really cares anyway! Um, "decorno" I guess...

Anonymous said...

While Jennifer Aniston IS bland and boring, I don't particularly care for Angelina Jolie, either. Remember back when she was with Billy Bob and carried a vial of his blood around with her on a neck chain??? Despite all her philanthropic good works, I still can't get over the weirdo that she was a few years ago......I don't think either of them is pretty, either. Jennifer looks like little miss boring vanillawith her bland, thin-lipped emotionless face and Angelina reminds me of a goldfish, with her big rubber lips. Someone should wet her lips and stick her to a pane of glass like the little Garfield stuffed animals years ago.

Anonymous said...

The thing about Angelina is that, for all the vials of blood, etc., she is INTENSELY boring.

Decorno said...

Anon 12:06 - "I thought you had a plan Decorno." What plan was that?

This is what blog description says, "Decor love, decor hate, celebrities, shopping, travel, Seattle, flea markets and split infinitives."

I have always promised on this blog liberal use of the work "fuck," a little shopping talk, a little celebrity talk here and there, & both decor love and decor hate (not just a face-licking, salivating adoration of everything around me). If I had a "plan," I am pretty sure I am delivering on it. This blog is no different than when I started and posted things like my "Things that are wrong" series.

Decorno said...

Oh, I forgot this post from January.... I should have saved myself the typing and sent you here:

http://decorno.blogspot.com/2008/01/thats-so-claaaaaaasy.html

birdy said...

"You are becoming the Howard Stern of design blogs."

Snort. Are you serious? Because Decorno dared to dis Jennifer Aniston.

Do people really think that these celebs are their friends or something? Because I hate to break it to you . . . they're not.

mrlfvl said...

Yeah, Jen sucks. I do love Angie, but that comment about wetting her lips and sticking her to a window like Garfield almost made me pee in my pants. I now have a hilarious image of Angelina Jolie stuck to the rear window of a mini van.

Anonymous said...

"I'm taking a long break."

Oh man, that is HARSH, Anon 12:06! Damn!

In seriousness, a culture that distrusts and mocks celebrities of dubious merit is far healthier than a culture that gratefully licks the feet of no-talents like Jennifer Aniston.

Sacheverelle said...

God you guys are really hating on Jen! How can you not feel bad for what happened to her, someone stealing her man then flaunting it.
That had to have sucked.
I am more irked about Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon getting married after dating for 6 weeks.
Good for him, I guess.

Anonymous said...

I'm "irked" that I have to see Mariah Carey's big egg-shaped head...

elaine said...

All I gotta say is that John can sure get the ass like no other. Sure he's cute and can sing (cheesy songs) but there must be something else going on...and I believe I know what it is. That's right ladies, Big J's got some big things going on downtown. You heard it hear first.

Anonymous said...

God, I LOVE this blog.

Boss said...

oh decorno - i disagree! I heart Jennifer Aniston - she just seems real to me. Not sure what that says to you about my reality, but I'll defend her anyhow. :)

Boss said...

to expand my previous comment - I think Aniston is actually a talented actress (see "the good girl"). And while she's sort of ordinary looking, I think thats part of her charm. Sorta Lucille Ball - esk as someone pointed out above. As for Jolie and Pitt, I just think they're strange. Jolie is indeed a goddess and who can blame the guy (or girl) who can't stay away but for the majority of girls who are not goddesses out there, JA is the perfect, imperfect idol.

Also anyone who reads this blog should know that disagreeing with Decorno is totally okay. However, nasty posters should go find a Hillary Clinton for President site and post there! ;)

Great blog, keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

Did not believe her for one nano-second in "The Good Girl."

lisa said...

I'm thinking those couple of nasty posts in a row (somewhere in the middle) were the same anon who called her, "The Decorno".

Eh, JA is kind of boring but I don't hate her. I think she does act like a victim. Maybe it worked for her when she was young but no one wants to see an aging starlet act weak. We like strong, old women. She does need a new publicist. Maybe she should now steal Angie's, just to get even.
Brad isn't very bright...ever heard him talk? He takes on the mantle of whomever he is dating. Blech. Angie will dump him, eventually...maybe by the time her tattoos start to inevitably turn blue.

Anonymous said...

This thread should have ended on Elaine's comment. It was the high point.

Kirby said...

Oh, Ms. The Decorno, I 'heart' you.

Hugs.