Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Martha Stewart is totally insane.


Got an email from Jules... it went like this:

Jules:
So do you ever read Martha Stewart's blog? It's hilarious. Not intentionally, but it's really funny all the same. She takes, like, 9,000 detailed pictures and in every post title asks for comments...

Anyway, I saw this and thought of you for the gardens (she's in central park). I still wasn't going to send it to you, but when I saw what she has her "wardrobe mistress" do to her "Laboutins," I laughed out loud and couldn't resist sending you the link. It's near the beginning.

Best,
Jules


I respond:

WTF? She's insane!

This is like back in the richie-rich pre-dot-com-bust days when I read about someone who had a hollow gold bracelet with fancy-ass diamonds INSIDE. That's just conspicuous inconspicuous consumption, right? I'm so rich, I hide my diamonds in my noisy rattle bracelet! I am so rich, I will take a poop on my Louboutins!

Christ.

I think you have just written tomorrow's post. I owe you, Jules.




From Martha's blog: "Karena, my wardrobe mistress, painting the soles of my Laboutins* black - I am not a fan of the signature red soles and always change the red to black - this is easy if you use a broad sharpie."

Read insane Martha here HERE


*Spell check Martha.... spell check.

33 comments:

LondonCalling said...

Why,why,why!

Jessie said...

Dear GOD! What is her deal?

katek said...

Oh my god, I literally hit send on an IM to my best friend with a link to that photo and the caption, then clicked over here. The Martha blog is one of my favorite reads; it's so oblivious and somehow brilliant. I just love her for some reason, and stuff like this cements it--she has no shame. Hilarious.

Whitney said...

They should arrest her for vandalism...

Jules said...

Dammit, Decorno! You're going to get us killed. ;)

I know some consider it sacrilege what she's doing (especially someone in the shoe business), but I can see why she does it. Sort of. She loves her neutrals and that shock of red must offend her design sensibilities something fierce. Isn't one of her homes decorated in various shades of grey? The color palette based off a vintage cameo she found, I believe. I imagine those red soles really piss her off when she's dressed head to toe in camel and laurel green.

I'd be so thrilled to be able to afford those shoes (and be thin enough to wear them w/o snapping the heals) that I'd wouldn't touch that red with the sidewalk, let alone a marker.

SGM said...

And look at Karena with the happy little grin on her face, thinking "Oh yeah, I definitely needed my MBA for this!"

birdy said...

No, what Karena is thinking is, "What did I do in a past life to end up having to sit on the floor, scribbling in the soles of Martha effing Stewart's shoes?"

I *Heart* You said...

The red sole is THE SOUL of that shoe. With a plain black sole it just looks like another Nine West wannabe. Back to prison for you Martha! That is shoe treason for sure!

maison21 said...

love it. she really is my hero.

how many people do you think martha pisses off when she leaves black marker scuffs all over their floors?

Anonymous said...

She's creepy and sad.

Shannon said...

This is why I love Martha - she's insane and has figured out a way to make obscene amounts of money BY BEING INSANE.

I can only hope to find a way to make my insanity profitable.

Let's pour one out for the shoes though, putting a marker to those pieces of art is criminal.

Habitually Chic said...

Oh Holy Jesus! The point of Louboutins is the red sole! I spend $50 a pop to have them resoled in red and Martha Magic Marker's them black. I think I may faint.

Anonymous said...

It's like repainting Van Gogh self-portraits with happy expressons, so they'll be more "upbeat."

Anonymous said...

Good Lord. This was one of the comments on her blog:

"Martha,

I first have to say that I love that you paint the bottom of your Louboutins black! I think it's lovely that you wear the shoes because they're beautiful and not so you can flash that red sole around so everyone knows you are wearing Louboutins. What a class act."

'Class act'? Her readers are more insane than she is.

Anonymous said...

Wouldn't it be faster if the "wardrobe mistress" used the Sharpie to just write "Classy" on the soles?

Anonymous said...

Of course it's aesthetic - the red sole clashes with the marble foyer made from marble that she blasted herself. I mean, how's she going to get out of the house in shoes that clash with the foyer?

My favorite Martha read is a parody book called, "Is Martha Stuart (spelled Stuart for legal reasons I'm sure) Really Living?" and it has articles on How to Make Water From Scratch and How to Make Your Own Condoms. It's been around for quite awhile - here's the link:

http://www.amazon.com/Martha-Stuart-
Living-Tom-Connor/dp/0060951826

It's hilarious.

Jules said...

I meant "heels" not "heals." Damn homophones.

(Not that any one cares. I do, because in my own way I'm as crazy as Martha.)

Anonymous said...

You're right, Decs. Martha epitomizes another form of New Money anxiety: The fear of doing anything in "bad taste," and thus bringing on the scorn of the Old Guard.

j. said...

The best part is that Martha calls her a "wardrobe mistress."

Anonymous said...

Do you think she has a "bathing mistress"?

Brilliant Asylum said...

I am not surprised the red sole is too flashy for Martha, but I am shocked she colors it over with magic marker. Is this the same woman who rides about her property in horse drawn sleigh and then grinds her own nutmeg for her hot toddy? Send the closet mistress to the cobbler for a proper resole!

Kwana said...

My mouth is hanging to the floor. I don't know where to go with this. Why not just buy some Naturalizers and call it Christmas? I may faint.
Is the world a craft project?

Anonymous said...

Nicely phrased, Kwana!

Decorno said...

Kwana - I love you.

Anonymous said...

Wasn't it Diana Vreeland who polished the soles of her shoes with black shoe polish? Definitely too much time on her hands.

Anonymous said...

Diana Vreeland turns out to have been a crackpot.

mrlfvl said...

I am TOTALLY entertained by her neuroses. I bet she wishes she had tried out to play Joan Crawford in Mommy Dearest. It also totally buggs that she pronounces the "h" in herbs. Makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

Anonymous said...

The Wardrobe Mistress looks like she used to follow Siouxsie and the Banshees around the country.

CSS said...

I hate her more than ever now! That is one of the best parts of the damn shoe, you idiot! Too much time in Westport, CT (Before they kicked her out for being a royal bitch!) Anyway, Martha is is a loser and I would love to see Martha tell this to Oprah since she always has on her Loubies (and they never have any scuffs on them, just imagine a beautiful pair of shoes for each taping)!

CSS said...

Do you think Martha has a mistress who individually rewraps the offending Tampax tampon to a visually pleasing color?

Anonymous said...

Oh, I think Martha's tampon days are well behind her. But back in the day, I'm sure she crafted her own, out of cotton she had her servants hand-pick.

Apt. #34 said...

Omg, just saw this. The only reason I've ever wanted Laboutins is for that damn red sole. I guess it's time to bust out my red Sharpie. I can say it's a DIY I learned from Martha!

alis said...

css, I'm pretty sure(I've seen her do it once) oprah walks to her seat on the stage with a pair of flats and puts her loubies on after she sits down, so the soles never touch the ground.

I have no comments for the murderous beyotch martha. Is there nowhere else she can get boring shoes without having to vandalise such art pieces as louboutins?