Monday, May 19, 2008

Serena... listen up:



General notes for the Gossip Girl crew:

Lydia Hearst: GET OFF MY FUCKING SHOW. Gossip Girl doesn't need you. You look like Nellie on Little House on the Prairie and there is NO WAY Chuck Bass would ever go for your skinny white ass.




Chuck: You wear more foundation than Ru Paul. Tell make-up to go easy on the Ben Nye foundation. Seriously.




Serena: You have the southern California version of Madonna's fake accent. What the fuck is up with your voice? And as much as we are all supposed to love your Kate-Moss-inspired wardrobe, guess what? I don't. Don't love it at all. What was up with that 70s yellow carnation of a dress you were wearing? Dumb. And the gloves? Come on. Also: you're super boring.



Eric van der Woodsen (Connor Paolo): Every time I see you on screen I think, "Good fucking God. This kid MUST have learned to act in NY where every young actor overacts like they are on Broadway, or God forbid, an episode of Fame. Guess what? I was so f-ing RIGHT! Tone it down, cupcake, or Los Angeles will never come calling.



Blair. You are horrible, rotten, no good, bitchy & conniving. Keep up the good work! The way you cut down that imposter bitch was FAB.U.LOUS. You are Heathers reincarnated. Love it.


I don't love much television. But I *really* love Gossip Girl. Good work, team.

36 comments:

Niki said...

Gossip Girl is the Shiz!

C'mon now...Serena's dress (Ralph Lauren)wasn't....that bad. Serena is a bit annoying...she always has this loooong face, whining and crying. Ugh!

I luuurve Blair! Hope she hooks up with that hottie on the plane!

An Aesthete's Lament said...

Eric van der Woodsen ... when I see him all I can think of him eventually singing for his supper in a piano bar on Christopher Street. Or becoming the new Rip Torn.

Kwana said...

Cheers! Great post. I totally blanked on Gossip Girl, but will do a summer catch up for sure now.

Anonymous said...

oh my god, Aesthete's Lament watches "Gossip Girl"?!

Anyway.

Decs: You're right, it's totally Blair's show.

The other thing that is off about Chuck is his head shape. It's sort of flattened, like it was run over and then the Makeup Dept. quickly fluffed it back up and tried to fill in the dent marks with some kind of Maybelline spackle.

Plus, he and Nate need to make out.

Anonymous said...

PS: Serena--The new Mischa Barton?

Jessie said...

Loved the Ben Nye reference.

An Aesthete's Lament said...

True confessions: I have seen "Gossip Girl" twice ... honestly ... the only television programs I watch with regularity is "Law & Order: SVU" and any of the CSI versions ... though the Miami one makes my skin crawl, it is so fantastically badly acted ... I loathe the star of "CSI: Miami" ...

I *Heart* You said...

i totally agree! NY MAg writes THE BEST GG recaps. I link to it on my blog.

And the best part ever was Chuck calling Vanessa PUNKY BREWSTER!!! I almost died!

Lydia Hearst does = Nellie Olson. Good call.

An Aesthete's Lament said...

"regularity are" ... Lord, my verb tenses are weak this morning ... not enough caffeine ...

Anonymous said...

Lydia Hearst, world's first 12-year-old interior decorator.

Decorno said...

GOOD CALL on the NY Mag recap:

Here it is for everyone to enjoy:

http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2008/05/last_week_gossip_girl_set.html

Anonymous said...

Aesthete: If you hate David Caruso's acting, you will love

www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sarYH0z948

As for good GG recaps, also check out Gawker. (The reader responses are hysterical.)

style & grace said...

Vanessa's dress was hideous but I loved Serena's dress!! Niki is right, it is Ralph Lauren. I agree, lose the gloves though......

Anonymous said...

Yes, Blair rocks and Serena is getting a bit annoying with her wining.

s. said...

1. Every time I see Eric vdW, I think a) get some better highlights, Twink! He looks like he uses one of those plastic caps and pulls through locks of hair with a crochet hook to dye an ashy shade of Fug. (You remember those kits... from the early 80s!?) b) come out of the closet, already. Maybe a storyline could show some steamy boy-on-boy exploration with Nate Archibald, another one character is too gay for words.

Serena is not the most compelling but she is certainly a beautiful girl. Blair, while not nearly so pretty gets all the best lines. Why a fierce b*tch like her chooses to be besties with a limp rag like Serena, I'll never nderstand.

Jennifer said...

bahaha! She even looks like Nellie! Too funny, Decorno.

Anonymous said...

also like Cindy Brady.

Anonymous said...

s.:

Eric already came out, and already had boy-on-boy action. Keep up!

Anonymous said...

PLUUUS... lydia hearst has NO LIPS! what up with that? totally agree: GGet off of GG!

s. said...

Seriously?

Well, yes, I'm way behind on the action, then. I took a break for a few months and I can't believe I missed Eric coming out. Good for him, the little fellow. Now, if only we could do something about his Cap Highlights, all would be right in the GG world...

Fifi Flowers said...

wow... I think I really must rent the season... I have not seen a one and it sounds like FUN!

John said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MJ said...

Seriously, who cares if Chuck Bass effs that chick? Chuck Bass sucks! And I've noticed that I can't ever say his first name without automatically saying his last name.
The Punky Brewster comment was the highlight of the finale!

Anonymous said...

For a season finale, it didn't end very suspensefully. Everybody switched partners and looked happier. That's it?

John said...

I personally think Chuck Bass looks like a long-lost extra from The Dark Crystal...

And I liked Serena's RL frock too, the whole look was all RL.

Anonymous said...

They should have hired Charlotte Moss to play Mrs. van der Woodsen's Society Decorator. Charlotte could seduce Chuck in a sizzling-hot moment of cougar-on-richboy action.

Now THAT would be a season finale.

John said...

and by the way, who HASN'T sold their show pony for some coke?

That I feel was the best comment of the episode.

Julia said...

Ha! John, too funny. Except for that awesome twist of fate (show pony for blow), I hope we are done with Georgina Sparks (mostly that we are done with Michelle Trachtenberg) forever.

Sarah's Fab Day said...

I love GG, but I'm with you I'm ready to see some naughty, bad-girl Serena Van der Woodsen. I'm sick of the nicey nice chick, let's see someone with issues, that always makes for some good tv.

Anonymous said...

She and Blair should become secret cannibals.

mrlfvl said...

The Hearst clan in general gives me the Heebs...

the waites said...

I love someone with some wit..fab post!

something about mr bass makes me giddy as a school girl

eeps. said...

chuck bass makes me wanna... i don't know how that usher song lyric ends, but that's what i want to do to chuck bass.

i want to punch serena in the face constantly. hair shouldn't be that color. what's wrong with her lips when she talks? is she just a lazy talker?

unfortch, i've heard michelle tracht is sched to be a regular in season 2. i don't know why, her character's done and there's only one bitch on the show and her name is blair.

Decorno said...

Ok - THANK YOU. On every point.

What IS wrong with her mouth. I HATE THE WAY SHE TALKS.

And Michelle T - her teeth. I get disgusted looking at them.

Note to Hollywood: You can paid exorbitant sums of money to waste on coke, hooker, and veneers. MT - fix your fucking teeth.

Anonymous said...

I liked M.T. very much in a movie a few years back called "Mysterious Skin." She hasn't done well since then.

Iheartfashion said...

Agreed, Chuck and Blair make the show!