Sunday, May 4, 2008

Wisteria - the lovely menace?



So, in a recent post, I mentioned I was considering a wisteria-covered mini-pergola over my backdoor.

WRONG.

I think I may have a new contender for my best comment ever, from one of my very favorites, Anonymous Hardware Guy. He writes:



Wisteria...Hoo boy! Wisteria will kill everything in its path. You'll never be rid of it. It's Plant Dracula. You think you give it a nice place to live, some sun, and it'll be happy. Nope. It wants your house. You'll wake up and it'll be in your bed. Then it's eatin' your left overs and sending you out for a 6-pack and another bag of chips. Think this one through. Get a freakin' J-O-B, you freakin' plant!



29 comments:

mamacita said...

Ah, yes, I meant to make a comment about the wisteria, too. There are three stages of wisteria:

1)waiting for it to grow in and fill out your pergola;

2)it's grown in and looks perfect [the shortest stage]; and

3)it is so completely infested with rats (which are now in your attic and walls, as well) that you have to cut it all out, swearing that you will never plant wisteria again, and vowing to spread the word to all you know.

Anonymous said...

LOVE Anonymous Hardware Guy. He's in the Anonymous Hall of Fame.

Sandy said...

"Plant Dracula" Brillant!! LOL

Mary T said...

Wisteria = rats? RATS?????

We just bought a house. It has wisteria! Aiiiieeeee.

pve design said...

I picture it sort of like "Little shop of Horrors!"
It is gorgeous though, just not close to the house!

katek said...

....Ha!!!

Maybe a Passionflower vine? Such fabulous and fascinating flowers, lovely tendrils....I know they grow well down in Oregon, so I'd guess they'd do ok in Seattle? (I know nothing about such matters, though.)

Kwana said...

I love this comment! Hardware Guy is in the hall of fame! I'll never forget about Wisteria.

Great Dame said...

Yep, I'm in the garden design business, and we don't use Wisteria - ever! If someone absolutely has to have it, I advise them to only plant it on an iron structure of some sort because it doesn't take long for it to squash a wood structure!

Kim said...

Oh yes. My father use to work landscaping and would curse the heavens everytime he came across wisteria in someone's backyard that had gotten it's evil claws into every nook and cranny.

That, and Rose of Sharon.

AND bamboo.

It's the evil trifecta.

mamacita said...

Yes, RATS! Sorry to say.

the quarter rat said...

For rats nothing beats a Chinese plum tree. And the fruit discolors anything it touches -just the thing for a French Quarter courtyard.

And don't forget that wasps (the stinging insect kind - not the madras-wearing kind) LOVE wisteria.

franki durbin said...

okay, that comment is fabulous. I love that guy. "plant dracula" - who writes this stuff?

wisteria sounds a lot like ivy. my grandparents planted ivy on their brick home years ago. apparently, ivy cannot coexist with a home. it must tear into its structure, eat into its foundation and entwine itself withing the very framework of the home.

a thing of beauty to behold, a menace to rid yourself of once you've invited it to stay.

stay clear of these two plants! ;)

Laura S. said...

I was so happy to see the wisteria across the front porch of my new (well, new for me) house starting to bloom (leaves, anyway) this weekend. Now I'm wondering if there's anywhere to purchase a machete on my way home from work. :-(

Anonymous said...

OK, can somebody clue me in on how to find this
Anonymous Hardware Guy? I've been looking in all the
wrong places, apparently. Thanks!

Anonymous said...

How did you all know what a "pergola" is?

Jessie said...

What about jasmine? It trails up and over trellises very nicely and smells BEAUtiful.

decorno said...

Funny you mention jasmine.. that's what I have growing in those two big pots next to the backdoor. It smells amazing when in bloom.

Pigtown-Design said...

What about clematis? Once it gets going (three seasons - first it sleeps, then it creeps and then it leaps). Great flowers, beautiful seed heads and not too heavy a plant.

Sacheverelle said...

Wisteria is invasive & also poisonous. Maybe that's why the street the Desperate Housewives live on was named Wisteria Lane.

Anonymous said...

I need to meet a guy who can make such a hilarious observation about wisteria and use a June Cleaver and kitten heels reference in the same post...

Although in reference to wasps, not the madras-wearing kind cracked me up.

decorno said...

Ditto on both. You people crack me up.

Mrs. Limestone said...

Wow, I had no idea. My gardener friend is a big fan of wisteria and he deals with it constantly. Is it possible that the weather and other inclement conditions of NYC tames the savage beast?

I planned to grow it in my backyard. It will have to grow out of a pot so I can't imagine it would have the strength to harbor rats and bring down the foundation of my house...should I be worried?

Anonymous Hardware Guy said...

Worry, Mrs. Limestone. Kill it before it leaves the pot

Anonymous said...

Are you the real Anonymous Hardware Guy? Because you are a God to us...

Anonymous said...

Star jasmine has great dark foliage and is not quite as invasive as pink jasmine or nearly as bad as wisteria. Mandavilla is good too, but maybe a little too tropical in appearance.

Meander said...

I totally agree with katek-passion flowers are gorgeous, but I have one growing up one of the columns on my front porch and it is beautiful in the spring and summer but the vine itself doesn't stay green through the cold weather which is dissappointing. As soon as I've got it going, old man winter raises his ugly head and dashes my dreams of it trailing across the other columns on the front porch. SAD

As for the wisteria, my mom has it growing in the woods behind her house (not even close to the home itself) and it looks gorgeous and frames the whole structure from behind when in bloom.

Anon 10:53 - hello! Decor is our porn, of course we know what pergolas are!!!

devon said...

Head to thewisterahouse.blogspot.com. That's our house in good ol' Seattle. See that miserable branch climbing over the front arbor. That's a Wisteria plant. Home to carpenter ants and vines that grow six feet in six minutes. The vines on that thing actually grew into our upstairs windows and popped out the bathroom window.

Hate it, hate it, hate it. A minor thing in the grand scheme of things--except that I may have convinced my husband to buy this house because the wisteria was blooming when we first took a look at the place.

Wisteria is like the bad-boy you used to date. Hot, gorgeous, but up close....totally terrible for you.

Anonymous said...

mm. amazing thread.

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