Monday, June 30, 2008

Outdoor rooms on 'roids.



So, I went on a plant-buying binge the other weekend and I was talking to this supremely helpful and smart woman who works there and I lamented the fact that a fire feature was suggested to me for my backyard. I told her that I hate those cheapie copper ones people have... they seem like something everyone will regret in about 5 minutes (if not already).

And she chimed in, in her cute British accent, "Oh, yes... the OUTDOOR ROOM. We're all really sick of that around here." Which made me laugh.

So, for your viewing pleasure, I present to you some outdoor rooms I find particularly nauseating.






Seriously? Are they planning to conduct a panel on an important issue or something? Everyone would be seated sitcom-style, as though facing a TV camera. This is so weird.



I think this is where the virgins are sacrificed.



Oh Florida. What are we gonna do with you?


Discuss.

22 comments:

Courtney said...

These are so horrifically awesome. do people REALLY use these spaces? They are so uninviting to me...what happened to some great chairs, a natural table, cheery umbrella and some inviting plants? I'd take a simple setup over these 'roid rooms any day!

karina said...

Funny post!
I have simple taste in outdoors,as if I were in the country!

Anonymous said...

These are like sets for "The Bachelor."

dagney said...

all that advice sought - all that advice given - professional hired - what about yours = where is your backyard?

Anonymous said...

I am totally jonesin' for the semi circle one so I can have my friends over and play "the newlywed game". That would be..in the butt, Bob.
-Adult Children of Anonymous

Anonymous said...

I like the Florida one. It looks like a rest home for tacky captains of industry. Couldn't you picture discarded Trump women, now elderly, lying around in there all sedated?

Robin said...

Why is it that when people want to make a "Tuscan" room (outdoor or otherwise) it never actually looks like Tuscany, just an Americanized pseudo-Tudcany?

And that last room is screaming for some putt-putt golf.

alis said...

Picture #3 reminds me of Byzantium public bathrooms. Except in those ones there are holes on the seats and you chat while you "relieve".

Also I'm surprised none of these "rooms" have TVs in them yet!

Little Miss said...

All I can think of when I see most of these pictures is "Money can't buy taste honey".

Although I enjoy the Florida option as a 'so tacky its great' option --- for entertainment purposes only, of course.

Anonymous said...

Very funny. For people afraid of outdoors, cement, walls, a ceiling... or the illusion of one. What I've always wondered is do people run in and out with all the pillows when it gets windy or rainy?

Gabriele said...

Yes! I've never read this blog before but it's the best one I've come across. Too funny and as a bonus, no crappy etsy cartoon "art". perfect. So true about the "outside room", it really is for people who hate the outdoors. I have an aunt who never sets foot in her large back yard (of McMansion) but dreams of a day when she can have (fiberglass) columns, a waterfall, hot tub and fully stacked kitchen out there. why? why? why? so sad. also, what DO people do with all of those pillows (and now kilms) when it rains? so stupid.

jae said...

Oh, too funny! Living in Florida, I often wonder the same question. Why is it that such a beautiful state has been a magnet for such tackiness! Most of us prefer to bring the outdoors in because yes, we do get some serious storms. Staying at home just to carry in the pillows is not an option!

Kwana said...

These are so awful that they are great! You really cracked me up and made me appreciate my little stone back yard and deck. Ah the simple life is best. What were they thinking?

Uncle Beefy said...

Wow these are amazing!!! I just wish they were BIGGER! And where were the T.V.'s?!

The "theater in the round"?!! We could all pretend we were on The View one day, and then hosting the Today show the next! Oh yeah, these are gonna be good times, Kids!

This is exactly what I think of when I think "glamour". UGH! :p

Christine in DC said...

Awesome...

An Aesthete's Lament said...

This one is bodacious but divine ... Bunny Williams's outdoor room/temple ... http://katie-d-i-d.blogspot.com/2007/09/ode-to-greek-architecture.html

sterin said...

First I should admit that I have been stalking this - my absolute favorite - blog for months now.

Anyway, I really hate that amusement park look... over lit, over engineered, and absurdly escapist. Where's the sense of scale? What's wrong with the intimacy of nature?

the quarter rat said...

A much more appropriate outdoor room (with complements to Aesthete's Lament):
http://www.jmorganpuett.com/tents/index.html

Anonymous said...

To be fair to the last one, the giant screen keeps the lovebugs off of you.

They're repulsive.

But really, that thing is supposed to be over a pool.

- A. Floridian

AT said...

For people who have more outdoor space than they know what to do with. So they do this. I don't understand people like that. Probably because my outdoor space is 5 ft by 15 ft. And I feel like that's a lot.

skywaykate said...

Um--besides the obvious decor issues--these people must not live in regions with mosquitoes. I'd love to have something out of Domino, but the d@mn mosquitoes wreck almost everything.

Thank goodness for the Metropolitan Mosquito Control District here in the Twin Cities, at least when you're in downtown Minneapolis or St. Paul, they're not bad. It's disgusting to have to bathe in bug spray before you can enjoy outdoor areas.

Mark Taylor said...

At first they’re beautiful to look at, but at second glance I could tell why you find them nauseating. I doubt they could maximize the function of these outdoor rooms with sheds so open and the overly-complicated design. But anyway, it’s their prerogative to have whatever pleases them. – Mark, Hampton Roads Landscaping