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Notes on Engrish.

When did "the below" start happening?

I keep getting email messages at work where people write, "Please review the below." Please review the below? Did a not-fully-programmed robot draft that note? That doesn't make any sense. It sounds so clunky.

Please help me put an end to this silliness.


Anonymous said...

It sounds awful, though is it that different from "Please review the following"?

I will start writing: "Please review the horrendous crap below," for a more precise effect.

decorno said...

YES. That would do the trick.

Anonymous said...

how about this,

"please read all the bullcrap carefully in the following bullcrap paragraphs "

yours truly
ass clown manager

Anonymous said...

so you manage ass clowns? or you are a both an ass clown and a manager? both are impressive.

Anonymous said...

My current hate is "i am gifting you this..." No, you're not, you're GIVING it to me.

Anonymous said...

correction anon,

the signiature is to read


minus the "manager" part.
But yes the memo is written by an assclown, to be read by up and coming assclowns.


Anonymous said...

I admire your respect for precision, anon.


Anonymous said...

who says:
"I'm gifting you this?"

Wait a second...I think I know who says that

It must be in the same family as
"I heart this"
"Im currently loving this"

why not just say:


truth in advertising is always best.
Am I right?


Anonymous said...

Two other assclown phrases I've just started hearing:

1. "reach out to..."

as in

"Let me reach out to him and see what he thinks"

2. "going forward"

as in

"We'll want to watch this trend, going forward"

Anonymous said...

speaking of "going forward"

I need to get to work like


or I am so fired

but please keep going so I can file Decornos complete list of what not to say whilst blogging

gh and "whilst" is a British thing I say just for fun

okay Im out for the rest of the day


Anonymous said...

Gifting at Work: What's Right? What's Wrong?
Rachel Zupek, writer

just an example

Assclown, M.D. said...

"Gifting at Work" doesn't bother me; it conveys a specific meaning that "Giving at Work" doesn't.

Granted, it's not lovely, but it gets the job done.

sterin said...

Oh shit, I've been saying all the wrong things while just trying to be cool... That happens to me a lot.

Anonymous said...

yes you have.

Anonymous said...

Maybe if the business teams would actually read my emails I wouldn't have to remind them to review the following......

Christine in DC said...

it's further example of precisely what you mention: that robots are INDEED taking over the world.At least that's the case if certain humanoids in my office are any indication!

Anonymous said...

"Trying to be cool" starts half the trouble in the world. Sex is the other half, obviously.

Anonymous said...

I was an English major. When I started working in advertising agencies and marketing departments, I tried to communicate clearly, concisely and correctly. Now I've learned that speaking/ writing like a retarded robot is the only way to be comprehended at work. It was a sad lesson, but my career trajectory has been astounding ever since this discovery.

She Who Must Be Obeyed said...

Can an article modify a preposition? Don't think so. I also just KNOW that editors are an endangered species.

alis said...

I wonder what kind of fancy BS ppl who work at law firms write.

Anonymous said...

But you can say: "Please see the above."


Anonymous said...

This is digressing from the original topic, but it's a complaint I've nurtured lately: in email correspondence with business colleagues, I almost feel like quick stumblefumble keyboarding, which results in barely comprehensible communication (misspells, missing words, etc) is perceived as more efficient and thus "legit" because it implies the "sendee" is working too hard/too fast to bother taking time with such a basic task. I find it arrogant and offensive.

Phew, I feel so much better, thanks for listening

sterin said...

Anon 7:13, thanks for reminding me that sincerity is best kept to oneself, or at least signed under "anonymous." I totally heart that lesson!

becky from hatch said...

"Please review the below" - sounds like it came from Miss Teen South Carolina talking about the Iraq and such as. My two largest pet peeves:

1) "Very/So Unique" - something is either unique or it's not, no degrees.

2) Seeing people put apostrophes in all the wrong places, for example "DAILY SPECIAL'S" or "My Parent's are really nice."

3) "Grow your business." It just sounds stupid and annoys me to no end, even though technically it's probably passable.

decorno said...

Becky, I am totally in love with you now.

leendallas said...

Oh my god . . . I just stumbled very random ly on to this page and had a major epiphany: I am alone in this place where I live. I love you people! I am glad to know there are people that actually have vocabularies and an appreciation for the nuances of words.

The other day I was having a conversation with a very bright yet apparently disadvantaged young man. We had talked about an hour and I think it was somewhere after "adjacent" or "disparity", which are everyday words in my book, he replied,"you know a lotta big words. "I guess I do," I said. Cute, funny . . . but a little depressing.

Thanks for the laughs.

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