Sunday, December 28, 2008

Best comment ever:


People have been rediscovering an old post I did HERE about my entertaining pet peeves, one of which is being asked to take my shoes off. I had no idea how riled up people get about this issue. People seem to forget that I am never to be taken seriously. Ever. But they do. And I just sigh.

Anyhoo, the old post has generated new comment action. In fact, it think it's generated the best comment ever on Decorno:




"It's amazing that the same queens who ask to eat my ass are afraid of germs tracked in off the street. I don't attend sock hops and that label in my shoe is for my eyes, not yours.

My 'things that are wrong' include guest hand towels. Nobody will use them. I usually scrunch up towels just so people don't wipe hands on their pants. The tea towel covering not-for-use towels kind of bothers me as well.

Another wrong thing is the dish you brought for my dinner party. You can't use my stove, refrigerator, or serving dishes. I put a lot of work into this and I'm not ready for your famous risotto. It looks like spanish rice. Leave it at home.

Door hangers bother me. They are people who gravitate towards my doorways and just hover there. I made sure there was plenty of seating throughout the house. Please don't block the doorway. If I throw lit matches at your pashmina we may all need a hasty exit. Oh and what's with the pashmina, Bill?

I respect and understand non-smoking households. I am comfy smoking outdoors. My house is usually non-smoking. I do however make sure there is a comfy smoking lounge for chimney guests. If you do not smoke, you are not allowed in the smoking area. We all know you'll walk around sniffing your sweater for the rest of the evening and giving an old lady cough."



Now THAT is a comment, people. Gold star for you, Anon.

32 comments:

Alison said...

I do believe that that comment was written by Truman Capote. Got anything against the Black & White Ball, Decorno whoThinksShe'sSo Cool? (sorry, I STILL can't get over that one)

Ahem, Sock Hops. We're going on a WILD RIDE back to the 50s, are we? BMT, but sock hops had nothing to do with taking off shoes. They were about illicit sex & Eisenhower

I love that guy's comment, and I for one would like to buy him a beer (read in Robert Stack voice)

truffles said...

My girlfriends and fagfriends still love a cigarette now and then. I know...bad. Kick my ass. Stink eye. Whatever. We like it just a little too much...a lot when we drink. Plus, it still looks a little bit glamorous when you are looking down your own nose...that of a half-lit smoker with sexy shoes and a cute gay YSL channeling boy toy. So sue me.

Courtney at Blogging Matilda said...

I think I love it here just a little bit more now. Take 'em off, leave 'em on. As long as you are comfortable in my home, then I have done my job :)

columnist said...

Love this post. I live in Tailand where it is de rigeur to remove your shoes at someone's house, and like you, I find it thoroughly irritating. I also find it rather irritating when people follw that convention when they come to my house. I'd rather they kept their shoes on, so that it (in some cases) masks the smell and damp footprint on black marble of sweaty feet.

billyhacker said...

Nice post, but I wonder how many steel high heals are at anon's parties? My very hardwood oak floors are torn to crap, and I like them that way, but when I have a party and I have 100's of holes that make it look like someone fired a machine gun into the floor - you can understand the temptation to ask people to take off their shoes. Steel spikes kill.

S. said...

Hey, I like pashminas...

WendyB said...

Awesome comment. And I agree with you on the shoes off thing.

Tara.Fields said...

It seems that it would be perfectly courteous to include a note about being a shoe-free home in an invitation so guest could dress accordingly or send regrets. Also, stocking and bare feet are inherently casual and if you have a no-shoes policy, it makes sense to only host casual affairs in your home.

And now my anecdote: I had a sister-in-law who insisted on no shoes in her home, which is fine by me; it's not one of my peeves. BUT she hosted a large-ish family potluck BBQ where all the drinks and food were inside (except the grilled fare) and all the seating and activities were outside. Then proceeded to holler and make a big production of sweeping every time someone came in for potato salad, or to use the bathroom (right inside the back door). The following xmas eve showed up at my house (unannounced) with her 3-year-old in roller skates and didn't think twice about letting her loose on my slate floor! Of course, I had those skates taken off before the carpets, furniture, walls, decor, xmas tree became an issue for the skates. She is not typical of shoe-free hostesses; she's just batshit nutters in general.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of stellar comments: I always enjoy Tara.Field's. Among the best.

magnaverde said...

I give my pals credit for having the good manners to wipe off their shoes before they walk through my door, so everybody gets to wear his or her shoes at my place. Then again, part of my laissez faire approach to floor covering comes from choosing a rug that can take abuse, just in case, heaven forbid, real life happens.

But that's at my place. When I go to other people's houses, I follow the counsel of St. Paul--When in Rome, do as the Romans do--which means I usually end up wandering around in my stocking feet for a few hours. I don't like it, but at least it gives me an excuse to show off my collection of garish argyle socks, which otherwise might go unnoticed.

The smoking thing, though, kills me. Not literally, of course, and not even virtually, since none of my friends smoke, which means there's seldom a need for me to get all hyperdramatic about the awful smell. I mean, I agree that the habit stinks, but manners are manners, and if a fellow guest at a party that I have chosen to attend happens to light up, it requires the same response from me as it would if he happens to fart: I pretend not to notice.

Anyway, I take the train out to New York once or twice a year, and back in the day before Amtrak completely banned smoking on its trains, I was always struck by the difference between the convivial party atmosphere of the smokers, jammed together in their tiny glass-walled cell like rats in a cage, and that of, variously, either the expressionless stares of the lonely occupants of the private bedrooms or the glum faces & sotto voce conversations of the passengers in coach, all of whom had p-l-e-n-t-y of fresh air. Of course, part of the smokers' giddiness could have been the lack of oxygen in their little cubicle, but still, they were clearly having fun, while the rest of us looked wore a wan & dispirited air. Twenty hours from Chicago to new York is a long time, even when the train doesn't derail.

One time, my fellow health-nut passengers' palpable mix of envy & resentment of the raucous fun & games they could see going on in the smoking lounge as they made their way back & forth to the dining car must have gotten to those on the inside, because there, taped on the glass in big handwritten letters was the warning NON-SMOKERS NOT ALLOWED!!!

Lolo said...

Just keep that tongue firmly planted, in your cheek of course, and I will always be happy to drop in for a visit.

If I've bothered to invite you over in the first place then I want you to be as comfy as decently possible.

Anonymous said...

Finally: Proof of a link between ass-eating and pashmina-wearing.

Kwana said...

Yes! Truly a triple gold star comment. It didn't attack anyone personally, but everyone perfectly. Bravo.

thebubbreport said...

Oh ANON, PLEASE START A BLOG! That is the funniest thing I've read in a VERY long time!

jds223 said...

That post totally made my morning! I want this guy to be my best friend!

the quarter rat said...

Most of these non-shoe hosts sound like they're on the way to morphing into unpleasant Howard Hughs-like maniacs in a dirt-free environments hooked up to catheters.

Personally, I'd sooner ask a guest to take off her bra than her shoes - we indulge our guests in the South. The only time I've ever been asked to remove my shoes has been when floors are actively being refinished, not at a party.

Anonymous said...

I'm happy to be (politely) bossed around in other people's houses; what annoys me no end is being bossed around by restaurants (as you described in:

http://decorno.blogspot.com/2008/09/corson-building-262-to-work-too-hard-at.html

Lynne said...

My pet hate is CAT FLAPS - I can't stand them!

Lisa Hunter said...

It's interesting to see how offended people get about taking off their shoes. In Montreal, everyone does it automatically, without being asked. Tracking in dirt is considered rude, like wiping your greasy hands on the tablecloth.

*L said...

oh thank you for this :) !!!!

Anonymous said...

I make people take off artificial limbs. I cannot abide artifice in my home.

Steph T said...

Sometimes the shoes are just a vital part of the outfit and if removed all the time it took to put that outfit together is lost. No one wants lost outfit picking time now do they?

Anonymous said...

I agree with everyone. I hate when people ask me to abide by cultural customs, especially when it's in their own home. Don't they know that everyone must notice me?! I'm so beautiful, I'm so rich, I'm so well thought out! How dare they expect me to be so bothered as to take off my shoes? My whole outfit would be ruined, and then I would be loveless. What if the perfect man or woman of my dreams is there, just happen to walk in, and I'm not looking like the exact way I've wanted to present my superficial self? God damn people and their cultural customs, need for cleanliness, and ability to notice how disgusting public restrooms and general spaces are.

- Chase

Anonymous said...

That is one angry comment, Chase. Might want to up your dose of Angritol.

Colour Me Happy said...

i just stumbled upon your very entertaining blog! It's great how all blogs have their own personality!
Keep it up!

Reggie said...

Hullo,
Agree that automatic "shoes off" policy is pissy, and should only be applied when floor finish hasn't completely cured (otherwise not necessary), and why have a party before the floor has appropriate amount of time to cure anyway? Last party I went to with such a policy was a benefit where after cocktails at a central location we repaired to committee members' houses for smaller dinners. Never even occured to me that I'd be asked to take my shoes off, but I did even though it meant going barefoot (it was summer and I was wearing sockless Guccis). Was put out to find no chair offered to sit in to either take my shoes off or put them on, nor a shoe tree to assist. Oh well, so maybe the floors are waxed Honduran mahogany or wenge or something high-falutin'. Not at all: floors were less-than-clean, cheap stained oak flooring from local builder-supply joint. Hardly so refined as to require shoes off to protect. Ladies there were miserable, too, since their shoes were in many cases an integral part of their outfits. Agree that any invitation should warn guests of such a policy so they can be approprately-prepared. Our house is a "shoes-please" house, but we rely on our guests not to be rude and thoughtless idiots showing up in wet boots or steel spike high heels that will mar the floor or tear the carpets. If one does show up (it happens) we have a basket of morrocan slippers in various sizes that we provide for them to choose among. Haven't hear an objection (at least not to my face) yet!

Anonymous said...

You know, I used to be on the side of "Take of my shoes? How dare you!" This last New Years Eve, we went to a party at a friend's house. They had unbelievably gorgeous hardwood floors. In the morning, when the sun came out, they found that a guest had tramped around with a broken high heel. The result? Thousands of divots on their floors. It looks like someone walked around with a chopstick and a hammer. The repair? So far the cheapest estimate is $20,000. That's given me an entirely new perspective and if asked, I will more than gladly slip off my Jimmy Choos.

Anonymous said...

Just found this blog and love it. My answer to the shoe issue was that when we did a reno we put in stained concrete floors. Not everyones taste, I understand, but we love them and so far so has everyone who has seen them. Just let a steel heel put a divet in my floors, haha. Cleaning is a breeze. My husband has been contracted to do 4 more homes in the past 3 weeks since we finished. Don't be afraid of the concrete it is a great choice.

Anonymous said...

I'm laissez faire when it comes to the shoes, but do not talk about smokers. If someone wears spiky heels in my home, it may mar the floor, but if you breathe your smoky breath in my area, I get a migraine and sometimes it is so bad that I throw up. I would not want to be a hostess in that much pain and embarrassment while hosting a party. But then they will never be willingly invited to my home. Sometimes you have to put up with them, but you don't have to invite them.

Anonymous said...

You could have told me about the no-shoes rule BEFORE I chose to wear the black "Hot Sox" with mini compacts and lipsticks embroidered all over them...

dicey1 said...

OMG! You are just too damn funny for your own good! Love love lovin this blog.
The "no shoes policy" can drive one batshit but where I live if you don't take off the shoes we're talking MAJOR mud/snow tracking in...blech! Which is why I'm wanting to rip out ALL my carpet so it's no biggy. Don't know about you but I got more important things to do than freak out over my floor.

Bonnie said...

That is hysterical! LOL!!! He or she sounds like a fun person to hang out with!