Saturday, January 31, 2009

Dear God,


If you're trying to temper my good fortune in, say, finding wood floors in our kitchen by clogging our pipes and causing raw sewage to push back up through our floor drain and to settle in a 3" pool in a section of our basement, and by having me hold the light while my beloved fiance kindly scoops sewage and turds from the floor, consider your mission a successful one.

Love,
Decorno

36 comments:

Emily said...

!!!!! Not cool. :-(

Amica said...

Yikes! I'm sorry. :(

Ivy Lane said...

I have never heard the mention of "Dear God" in a one of your posts..so he's just sayin'...

thevioletpear said...

hey, we did that on new years day!

Anonymous said...

Have fun in NYC.

Devon said...

May the light in this whole matter shine on the fact that the raw sewage isn't on your new floors.

Decs said...

Amen.

Anonymous said...

It is like the little old lady who finally gets the facelift and her hip gives out - - I know, I have an old house! Hang in there, Decorno! It will all come back to you for the good, but you have to get through this *sh$#" first!!

Long time reader, admirer, and silent beneficiary of all your fantastic musings!

K.Line said...

So sorry to hear this. Happened in my (super old) home a couple of years ago - not quite that extreme, merely "brown water" (ugh). 15K, 6 months later (and an archeological dig through the foundation), all was well again. I really hope that your fix is less extreme...

hunkate said...

oh jeeze. "ugh" is NOT enough!

Laurel said...

Oh no! I am so sorry! Some day you will laugh about this... some day very very far in the future! :)

Alice Almighty said...

Scooping terds is my favorite, just like finding out afterwards that it will only happen again in a few short months unless we replace the whole damn thing. {sewer line, that is}

Each time I hear the toilet flush, I have to resist the paranoid urge to run downstairs and check for rising sewage.

Wanting to wash my hands, Alice

big boy said...

Turd Herding.

Anonymous said...

Ahh,ahh.....take that you biatch.

God

Decorno said...

Shut up, God.

pve design said...

We are holding a vigil here, candles, rubber boots and sending vibes of good luck to you.
to think you were even able to blog to God about this.
remarkable.

Melissa H said...

Keep your head up! It happened to us down here in Tacoma,only 2 months after we bought our house, with tree roots growing into our pipes and my finding myself soaking up all of the brown water with bath towels because we didn't own a mop yet.

rerun said...

EEEK!!! sorry boo. it will get better. every, and i mean EVERY homeowner has a similar story. so it's now in your "war story" file.

Jennifer said...

I bet the aroma is delicious.

Your House and Life said...

I know you could care less about lighting when you have poop in your house, but I liked Newell's advice about lighting a kitchen. Another words, not too much:

http://www.housebeautiful.com/decorating/home-makeovers/twilight-fields-kitchen-0608?click=main_sr

I did two fine looking pendants if you can remember in my kitchen with a few cans. And yes, dimmers. Lots and lots of dimmers. Good luck.

Lolo said...

If you keep the lighting to a minimum, you won't see the poop or the dog hair. There's that ...

Honestly, poopage issues of any kind are one of my top five nightmares.

hello gorgeous said...

Gross. I hate "yang."

Anonymous said...

And I bet the dog is like, 'What the fuck are you people eating? Jeez Luise! Don't you chew?'

Yeah, don't let the dog help you poo fish.

Oh, and that old jingle for avoiding unclean syringes holds true for shit infested basements:

When going to the beach
Don't forget the bleach!

Anonymous said...

Silver lining - it's only a 3" pool and not a flood which is incorrectly cleaned by tenant in your property and results in 50k of mould remediation, reconstruction and a potential law suit against your insurance company. Ahhh, good times. Related note: for those of you who think you might use your hard saved money to buy an investment property when the market's down, please re-read above.

Little Lantern said...

I feel your pain. I'm so sorry.

*moggit girls said...

Hang in there!

katiedid said...

Crap.

hallie said...

Oh honey- we can be stinky soul sisters!
I hate to say it, but man, have I been there.

Coastal Nest. said...

Total holy shit, man..

Renovation Therapy said...

ewwwwww....get a snake and break that schidt up.

also, your fiance is a saint...mine would have laughed while he was handing me the phone for a plumber.

red.door.read said...

you need to buy your fiance dinner.

i feel for you. that's truly awful.

Anonymous said...

Dinner?

A blow job is more like it. Show your appreciation, Decorno.

Ryan said...

Get a floor drain check valve

$20 and five minutes and you severely reduce your risk of poop puddles in the basement. There are other fancy kinds you can have a plumber install too. My neighborhood is notorious for this problem so I just had one installed when the plumber was re-plumbing my laundry drain.

Carrie said...

Ouch! So sorry this happened to you. Experienced the same thing hours before last years Christmas party. Thank goodness there was a plumber working emergency calls that day. Hopefully it's all better now. hugs

drollgirl said...

narsty

Anonymous said...

I live in a testosterone infused home. (3 juveniles and 1 husband who acts like a juvenile.)

It is seriously sick behavior and I often deny I'm related to any of them, but they seem to enjoy this bizarre competition of seeing who can produce the "best" turd.

If this had happened in my house, all 4 boys would've been down there hoping to find the "winners" so they could brag all over again.

Thank God you don't live with my heathens.