Thursday, September 17, 2009

Shake that thing & misc notes.


I didn't know that orthodox Jews (men, anyway) can't shake hands with women. I learned that the other day. I wasn't offended but it is weird to have this cultural moment where someone refused to touch me. I was untouchable. Hm.

On the other hand, I hate hugging, so can we try to make that a religious thing? That is my new deal. Hugging is against my religion. So are air kisses. So quit with your affection because you are violating my, like, spirituality and stuff.

In other news, I'm so glad it's fall. It smells like smoke and fires and pine trees and juniper and fog. Ok, I know fog doesn't smell, but you know what I mean. I love that.

Oh - I have a new word. Are you ready for it? Momnesia. It's when you get super excited to hang out with your mom for a long weekend and your better half reminds you that after 3 days you typically want to kill each other so why they hell are you getting so excited about your upcoming weekend on Orcas Island? Yeah. I have a mad case of momnesia. That's ok. I am excited for that adventure.

That's all I've got. I have the day off tomorrow. I love having a work day off. You can actually get practical shit done like getting new glasses, waxing your pikachu, getting some alterations done... that sort of thing. Oh you stay-at-homies. The Decorno is jealous of you bitches. So very jealous.

32 comments:

pennyrounds said...

you're funny. i love it.

couchseattle.com said...

first thought when i see that dude is that he's screaming "I can't stand it-- i know you planned it".

Decorno said...

...I'm gonna set it straight, this Watergate.

Tommy said...

Genius. Have fun on your day off and with your momphilia.

Decorno said...

*momnesia* - not momphilia. That's plain weird.

Jules said...

My study partner for the bar was an Orthodox Jew. I'm trying for the life of me to remember if he ever hugged me or shook my hand. I want to say he did.

In re hugging: how did you survive Argentina? Hugging and air kissing is all we do.

Nikki said...

"waxing your pikachu". do you go to diamond nails in kirkland? that chick is crazy! have fun on orcas!

Dana said...

He couldn't touch you because you might have been "unclean". Even if you're a teacher and a little boy falls on the playground right infront of you, hands off. My friend Julie, a teacher in Brooklyn found herslef in just such an awkward situation.

Jeannine @ Small and Chic said...

Is that Matisyahu? He used to be on the festival circuit. Interesting guy.

Anyway, my cousin converted to orthodox Judaism and we learned all sorts of interesting things. For example, no pointy shoes. That posed a problem...we couldn't even wear them to her wedding, during the height of the pointy shoe thing.

Another: her everyday dishes had to be thrown away when she converted, but her Waterford and china could go in a box for three months, have a prayer said over them, and they were good as new.

You Know Who said...

I HATE HUGGING TOO.

Βουλα said...

Thank you, thank you so so much! I hate when they hug me. I love it from my mom and my dad and my lover, but I hate it from everyone else. It's so trespassing your personal space area.I think that's a french habit, this and the air kisses.

GL said...

They won't shake your hand but they're happy to sell you drugs. I swear that in the 70s some of the best known and most reliable Bklyn drug dealers were Hasidic Jews!!

NO SHIT.

Michael Mullowney said...

Your saying that you're jealous of us stay at home mommies is the compliment/validation I've been needing. Frankly I'm exhausted and have gone slightly insane...This thankless 24/7 job (and its the hardest job I've had) often leaves room for missing the cushy days of full time school and work :) Thanks for reminding me that I am indeed fortunate enough to stay home. On a different note, I think I should start telling people its against the babes religion to be touched or baby talked to! Love your site so much!!! Also my misogynistic computer auto signed in under my husband..the name should say Elaine!

Anonymous said...

He couldn't touch you because you might have been "unclean".

I operate under the opposite philosophy.

Ana said...

I hate hello hugs, I know you we don't have to hug every time we see each other!

My mom lives on Friday Harbor, we should put a up a barrier around the San Juans!

big boy said...

What about their not so secret predilections toward tranny prostitutes? I suppose if you are going to get dirty, why waste it on a handshake.

Elsbeth said...

The thing is that technically, a woman is considered "unclean" when she's menstruating. So just to be safe, since no one can tell just by looking at a woman whether or not she's menstruating, men can't touch women (other than their wives) any of the time. I find the practice insulting and misogynistic, but whatevs. Carry on with your cootie-avoidance, Hasidim.

Jill J said...

Oh man, I NEVER get momnesia. She just informed me that she will be coming to my state for a month and spitting time with my aunt and I. I seriously almost head butted her the last time she was here. A MONTH! NO!

And p.s. What, anonymous 9:20? Does that mean you touch people because they are unclean? Ew.

Bonnie said...

You crack me up! I didn't know that about the anti-handshaking mens club either. I hope you are having a great day off with your Mom!

Anonymous said...

Orthodox Jewish women can't touch men either; it isn't just that he wasn't allowed to touch you because you were "unclean".

The idea is that they reserve touch for their spouses, because it makes the relationship that much more intimate.

And seriously, I wish more people would follow that example. I get totally creeped out when coworkers/casual acquaintances lay a hand on me. Even just the "hand on the shoulder" thing. Out of my personal space please!

court. said...

OH.MY.GOD. Momnesia.

I could be the spokesperson. You kill me. This really happens!!!!

Anonymous said...

The idea is that they reserve touch for their spouses, because it makes the relationship that much more intimate.

Yeah, like that'll work.

decoratrix said...

I would rather go to work any day than deal with children. It isn't always a choice. Going to work is a treat for me (I'm freelance). It's way easier than dealing with kids or other parents, for that matter.

Momnesia - get it every year when my Mother comes over from England. It's reassuring that you have a name for it.

ashley@decorology said...

I'm with you on the hugging, air kissing, and momnesia

scarletvirago said...

Well, you've given it a name: Momnesia. Now, where's the support group??

MerciBlahBlah said...

YES, Decorno! The fall DOES smell like no other time of year. It is my favorite season of all the times. However, whereas you say it smells like smoke and fires and pine trees and juniper and fog, I say it smells like smoke and fires and pine trees and apples and bacon...mmmmmm.....baaaaaconnnn....
Merci!
Shannan

LORRAINE said...

I still have not found a religion that is not discriminating to woman. At my prime age of 44, I have lost my religion! Woman are beautiful, smart and strong-get with it you fanatics--celebrate us, dont bury us!

Shoshana said...

Lots of incorrect comments re: Orthodox Jews (of which I am one as well as a design lover): Orthodox Jews save opposite sex touching for their spouses. There is nothing wrong with you Decorno! There is no prayer over waterford crystal, no ban on pointy shoes and yes, if a boy fell in front of me I would pick him up and dust him off.
That said, I'm sure there are Hasidic drug dealers.

Anonymous said...

Isn't it great that so many people can take uneducated swipes at Orthodox Jews and nobody cries racist?
I wonder how all you Decorno readers would have pounced if someone commented about how in the 70s some of the best and most reliable drug dealers were African-American. And how all you narcissistic ladies out there think that big bad "religion" is all about putting you down. Get a grip, girls.

Anonymous said...

Shoshana, you should comment more.

Dani said...

Momnesia is my new favorite word.

big boy said...

Religion does not put women down, it just makes anonymous commenters cuntier.